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Expectations are Blinders

This past weekend, I went to the beach with my boyfriend, his wife and her boyfriend.
And it was wonderful.
And if you had told me a year ago, this would be my life I would have laughed.
Because it’s not what it was supposed to look like.
Not what I had expected. 
Plannedhopedwisheddreamed for.
This was not on the vision board.
Or in my chants to the new moon.
This is nothing like I imagined to be.

But when I decided that what I wanted was to love as big possible.
And to have that be fully received.
Without my expectations of how things had to be getting in my way…
this entirely wonderful man showed up.
His practicing of ethical non-monogamy didn’t scare me.
It seemed like maybe a way to step outside of all the shoulds that tangled me up and never quite brought the happiness I thought they would.
So we met.
And kissed.
And loved.
And eventually went to the beach with the whole little pod.

It would have been so easy for me to over look this.
This man.
This life.
So painfully easy.
Expectations are blinders to so much of the magic the Human Experience has to offer.

This isn’t an advertisement for polyamory.
Honestly, I don’t give a fuck.
I don’t care what it is you want.
I just want you to want what you really, truly want.
I want for your desire to rise up from your roots.
For it to wrap itself around the expectations.
Sewn and woven into your vision.
And shatter them.

Because more often than not, those expectations and our ability to meet them are the ways we decided that we are worthy.
Worth it.
That if life shows up how we always imagined they would be.
Based on the barely tales of our family and folks.
That we will finally be ok.
That we will have done enough to get the rewards of our imaginary choosing.
And that is a crock of shit that can be dumped into the sewers.
Because even when everything turns out like we imagined and never really does.
This whole Human Experience thing is not designed to be predictable.
It is not created to give us everything we think we want.
Our life is part of an adventure.
One that is infinite and exceptional.
And wild.
We aren’t going to figure it out.
It’s not going to look like it should.
And that is more than marvelous.

When the expectations fall.
There is space.
To experience what is possible.
To see where we are being called.
To live in electric amazing ways.

The last almost 9 months of my life have been incredible.
And they have required that expectation upon expectation burn away.
Because then, I get to actually live.
And receive.
So much more than I even knew to want.

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