“I am not a victim” has become a rallying cry.
A declaration about not giving a fuck.
We are quick to shout it so that everyone knows we are over it. Done. Healed up nice and good with nothing to worry about anymore.
But really, every time I hear someone I hear say that they are no victim, all I can think is…they probably are.
And that’s not a bad thing.
Chances are, somewhere inside, they are so afraid that they might still in pain…still affected by whatever happened that they have stopped.
Stopped looking within.
Instead, the put up the walls that say, “No one can touch me. No one can hurt me. I am not a victim.”
I say this not to shame anyone. I say this because it is true.
We have decided that victim is one of the worst things a person can be.
As bad as perpetrator.
We think victim and we think helpless.
Unable to take care of themselves.
Unable to move on.
The value is placed on strong…rather than vulnerable.
Rather than Whole.
Rather than real.
In this Human Experience, we get hurt.
We are affected by what we experience.
We don’t just shake it off.
It rumbles deep within…it reaches our roots.
How we think about our Self changes.
By refusing to acknowledge when we feel like a victim, we are refusing to acknowledge what is going on within our being.
We run from the pain.
Hide from the shame.
Hide from the truth that we are human.
That we hurt.
That what other people do can affect how we feel and think.
The refusal to acknowledge when we feel like a victim often makes us doubt the gravity of what happened.
We, as a world, discount victims stories often because we are ready to move onto the next thing…because no one wants to dwell.
“I am not a victim” is tool of spiritual bypass.
It is used to push away whatever happened so we can skip directly to the sunshine, unicorns and rainbows of redemption.
It makes it so that the wound festers…and healing stops.
We spend so much time and energy pushing away the notion that we might be a victim, we are too exhausted to do the real work.
I work with people all the time who are fighting their experience of being a victim. They don’t want to acknowledge the pain because they don’t want to feel it.
They are afraid of giving up their power to someone who hurt them.
So they pretend that it doesn’t bother than any more.
And then they can’t figure out why they are stuck or angry or just not living in the electric wholeness that is available to them.
When they let go of the judgment that victim is the worse thing they can be…
when they tell the truth about how they feel…
it is only then when things begin to shift.
It is then when they reclaim their power.
It is then when they heal.